In today’s fast-paced world, intimacy often takes a back seat. We may find ourselves searching for ways to deepen connections with our partner and enhance our sexual experiences. An essential key to unlocking a more fulfilling sex life might just be found in embracing self-pleasure, particularly with some help from a vibrator. Despite the benefits, we can be reluctant to incorporate the tool into our sex lives due to societal stigmas, personal insecurities, or misconceptions.
“Most people in relationships, regardless of their gender, are afraid that if they use a vibrator, it’s going to impact the way they experience their partner’s touch,” says Psychotherapist and Sex Therapist Todd Baratz. He assures us, that’s simply not true, and advocates for a more open dialogue with your partner about sexual wellness and self-discovery. According to plusOne’s 2021 and 2023 proprietary studies, 56% of women with male partners are embarrassed to talk about their sexual pleasure with their own partners. “The challenge is understanding what prevents you from having those conversations,” Baratz adds. “It’s not that we don’t know how to have them [conversations], it’s that we feel anxious and afraid about them. We want to understand the sexual anxiety and the fears that prevent it.”
Barriers to pleasure
Those fears can stem from partner rejection or from potentially upsetting a partner. Fifty percent of women who have never used a vibrator said they wouldn’t want anyone, including a significant other, to see them using it.
“We live in a culture that deprioritizes female sexuality and pleasure,” says Baratz. “As a result, it’s like, ‘oh no, how do I tell them that I actually like it?’ A lot of it is about the types of touch, pressure, rhythms that can be created using different tools. Most cis women do not orgasm through penetration. That’s not to say that women can’t, it’s just that oftentimes, a lot of clitoral stimulation is necessary.”
The health benefits of using a vibrator and self-pleasure
Baratz notes a benefit of using tools during partner play is that you can integrate them in conjunction with penetration. “This can work to increase arousal pleasure and lead to orgasm as compared to when not using tools,” he says.
Baratz further suggests using the plusOne® Private Pleasure Vibe, which he calls “ideal for first-time vibrator users due to its discreet and quiet design.” It ensures privacy and offers targeted stimulation with 10 unique vibration patterns, which beginners can use to explore a variety of sensations. Plus, it’s fully waterproof, adding versatility and ease of cleaning, perfect for use in the bath or shower.
Baratz notes there are many health benefits to masturbation such as pain management and stress relief with 98% of participants in plusOne’s 2023 Consumer Perception Study reporting feeling more relaxed after four weeks of vibrator usage. Additionally, 95% of people felt it boosted their mood and 91% of people slept better. “It can be calming, relaxing, good to do if you’re sad, and as many times as you want for as long as you want. There’s a lot of shame [around that] especially for women, but it’s something important to do.”
Where does the shame come from?
Our bodies are complex, meaning that it’s completely normal to not orgasm solely through penetration. “It just doesn’t work that way,” says Baratz. “We often think that’s how sex should be and with a lack of sex education and a lack of relational education, we often have no information until we grow up and we’re like, ‘wait a minute sex is messy and I need tools — that’s not how I’m supposed to have sex.’”
He adds, “The shame comes from how we’ve all internalized these sexual values about what good, healthy and functional sex is, which is basically being able to come from your partner. But sometimes we need to get ourselves off, and that’s totally normal and great, because the goal of sex is not to get off in a certain way or even get off at all. It’s to experience pleasure.”
What we can do to prioritize pleasure?
Shame dies when stories are told in safe places. Talking to your partner about sex and your pleasure is a good place to start. We also need to be our own safe place, to be honest with ourselves. “We have to develop a sense of understanding and acknowledge where it [shame] comes from,” says Baratz. “In order to do that, we have to stop judging ourselves and figure out what our story is — where we grew up, what our religion is, what our identity is, where we learned about sex — and how all of that contributes to how we experience pleasure.”
This article was created by StyleCaster for plusOne®.
